Goodbye, V

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

This is probably the hardest thing I've ever tried to write. I've been trying to write this for more than a day now, and even though I knew this was coming, it's no easier. My friend Virginia died yesterday after a fight with Cancer. It started suddenly, was allegedly in remission, then bang...it's in her brain, game over.

I'd sad, I'm pissed, I want to punch stuff and I want a hug. Most of all, I want my fucking friend back. Here's some people you may have never heard of:

Karen Dark
Tom Grimball
Sharon Olthof
Cyber
Lovine Moss
Virginia Wilcox

They may not mean anything to you, but these were friends of mine. Friends of my family. Some were closer than that. And one was my cat. You can figure that one out.

These are all people who had a terrible disease and fought the fight. One of them, Lovine, survived. That's 1 out of 6 of my friends who were able to survive, after billions in research and some of the smartest minds on the planet working on it. That's some serious bullshit, my friends.

What makes this one so much worse is that Virginia has a teenaged daughter, the wonderful miss Eliza Wilcox. I've talked to her today and she's devastated, as well she should be. She's thankfully got grandparents to take care of her, and a giant extended family that we'll make damn sure she knows is around. But it's still not right to be that young and have both parents taken away at such an early age. If cancer had a physical form, I'd kick it in the nuts repeatedly until it was a bloody puddle.

Virginia meant a lot to a lot of people. She was a friend to some, a mentor to others. She was that crazy lady that wanted to make beautiful Hollywood actors her personal slave, and certain other men around her as well. This doesn't even scratch the surface of the person she was, the awesome, awesome person who will be missed by many. And dammit she is missed,

Rest in peace wherever you are. You're in everybody's hearts, and you always will be.

DRUM SOLO!!!!

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

I call Thimble!

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

Awwwww....

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

I mean aside from a job I can't stand, physical, mental and emotional problems and a general ennui I'm in a pretty good place. Things could definitely be worse. So why can't I get motivated to do anything? I know the mental stuff has a lot to do with it, the constant anxiety does not help. Why can't I just push through it like everything else? For the first time in my life I know there's several women interested in me, and I definitely am interested back but I can't do anything about it. I know there's a few guys too but sorry, um, not in this life.

I've thought about counseling, or even just getting some mind-adjusters. Not a fan of things that alter my mental state but I'm not sure what else to do. Just need to get past that giant brick wall in my head that convinces me I can't do something. I can sing, can't perform. I can act, just not in a crowd of people I don't know. I can't cold call people sometimes. I just...can't. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't.

The most annoying thing is that I can analyze and recognize all of these things about myself but I can't fix it. And if you know me, you know that annoys the piss out of me.

The urge to delete this is overwhelming. Revealing something about myself to a wide audience. Gasp, choke. Oh well. Get over it.